The Numbness Antidote
and its ties to my own journey
For a week and half in May, I participated in an online meditation retreat.
At the end of each day, we received a special treat of witnessing the facilitator pick certain attendees to do a healing on.
Like just about every spiritual community out there, more than 90% of participants were women over fifty. In this case, most were also in serious pain and were dealing with trauma coming to the surface.
I could say so many remarkable things about the healings and what it was like witnessing them, but that’s not what this post is about. Of the 20 or so I witnessed, there was one that really made me contemplate deeply on my own journey.
Her case wasn’t particularly special, and likely no one there will remember it, because it happened very fast. She was dismissed by the facilitator faster than any of the other ladies.
Why? He did the same type of work on her, and then asked her how she felt? How was it different than before he did the work? And she struggled to answer, finally saying that she didn’t really feel anything, and that she had never really experienced the feeling of joy in her life.
And…that was it. He asked for the next person and moved on.
The dismissal was not lost one me, subtle as it was. He wasn’t mean about it at all, and said “I love you” just like he did with all the others when it was done. From his perspective, it may have been all he felt called to do in the moment, and there was a line of others waiting to get their healing.
Yet the more I witnessed the other healings, the more I realized how much he poured his heart and soul into the others. When it was one lady’s turn, who was especially active in the group, she had Internet connection issues and laptop sound issues, and he had everyone wait around for more than half an hour while he helped her troubleshoot, asked others for technical assistance, and was willing to move mountains to make sure she was taken care of.
With the lady who was dismissed quickly, she was courteous, appreciative, didn’t put up any resistance (like many others had), didn’t try to tell her whole life story (like most tried to do), didn’t act like a victim…and yet, because she couldn’t feel or verbalize her emotions, she got the short end of the stick.
Suddenly I realized how often this happens in the spiritual/healing community. I’ve been both the giver and the receiver, and I’ve experienced it on both ends myself.
Let’s rewind a bit: most of the women receiving the intense energy healings (that rewind timelines into re-living out the most traumatic moments) experience it quite dramatically. They’ll be crying, shaking, screaming, coughing, bent over, visualizing wild things, and definitely describing every emotion in detail along the way.
And that is exactly what healing facilitators love! Upon reflection, I myself am no exception when I’m in those shoes. The sense of satisfaction is immense, watching my work having such profound effects on others.
On the flip side, when someone has no reaction, and says they feel nothing, I’ve felt embarrassed and inadequate in the past. Even in the best cases, I lost interest pretty quickly. Just like this healing facilitator.
The irony is though, that from the receiving end, I started out exactly like this lady. I remember vividly one of the first times I received energy healing, there were others there, and everyone was feeling my healing and my emotions so strongly, yet I couldn’t feel a thing, and I thought it was all a scam.
And it wasn’t just that one time. Again and again I have witnessed the disappointment in the room when energy work was done on me and…nothing.
I’m writing this now to let everyone who is like that previous version of me know that it’s OK, and that we are not lost causes. Numbness is not a permanent state, despite how many holistic healers there are out there who don’t want to touch these “unglamorous” cases. After all, they don’t make for great testimonials or marketing videos.
There is an online quantum energy community I’m part of, and it has probably got the most number of people from similar backgrounds as me. People who got used to hustling more than 8 hours a day, who are perfectionists, who are overly scientific and analytical, and who aren’t financially strapped.
I would be rich if I counted how many times I heard in there “I can’t feel this quantum energy.”
In a similar, predictable vein, the product owners and admins of the community would ignore them. Versus those on the other end of the spectrum, who were experiencing heavy detox symptoms and getting upset and complaining…who the product owners would bend over backwards to soothe, comfort, and reassure.
All to say, emotion and feeling are absolutely the galactic currency within the spiritual communities. Don’t have those? You could hang around as much as you want, but the doors will not be open to you. What happened to Oneness, and inclusivity? Well…they’ll say you just haven’t earned it. And what happened to you are enough and complete as you are? Well…then just accept where you’re at and stop trying to become something you’re not.
So, this is where my own path took a fork. There was something in me that refused to uphold and bow to the spiritual status quo. I didn’t know what was on the other side, but I was determined to un-numb myself.
Somewhere along the way, I re-learned the meaning of Awakening. Most people (including myself) have had the notion that awakening refers to when we experience an existential crisis and go search for our life’s purpose, or meaning of life. Many will also define it as the moment when we realized our world has been run and controlled by dark forces. Just like Star Wars, Jupiter Ascending, The Hunger Games, The Matrix, etc.
Yet…that’s quite a limited definition. Here’s the transmission from Gene Key 51, which really resonates with me now:
These softenings are exactly the antidotes to the Numbness pandemic many of us face.
You see, that initial “first awakening” many experience, is often the beginnings of Calcination, the first stage of alchemy. What is Calcination? It’s a harsh and brutal burning away by fire. Which is interesting because…how the hell are we supposed to go through “softenings” if we’re being burned down? When faced with the dark, heavy, grim realities of our world and its collective trauma, many become harder, not softer. Some will turn away and deny it altogether, while others will have complete breakdowns that they do not recover from.
The answer is in the last sentence of the above transmission: spiritual initiation. If we do not pass the first initiation of Calcination, there will be no “softening” to speak of. Hence the repetitive suffering, cycles, and incarnations until we finally learn our lessons.
This takes us to another Gene Keys transmission (#54):
Ascension must be earned.
So while it is not our place to judge anyone else, it is also Universal Truth that there is a specific sequence of initiations required to put us on the right path. And the more we progress on that path, the softer we become, and the more we can feel. It is truly an earned reward.
Curious about the state of our world and also want to get a bit mind-blown? Check out The Disclosure Series and The Pyramid Code Series on Jason Shurka’s UniFYD TV app. Although most programs on the app are not free, these two are. If you’re going to subscribe to the paid tier, also make sure to watch both seasons of the TLS series.
Quite a feast there!